Sometimes Sunny San Francisco Can Be a Cold, Cold Place

Longtime readers of this blog may recall I’ve had some highs and lows at the GLAAD Media Awards. Last year, Denys got to meet his girl crush, Dianna Agron. The year prior, however, Kim “I Take Myself Way Too Seriously” Cattrall scolded me on the red carpet for asking for her blowjob tips. You win some, you lose some…

This year, I’ve been so busy planning the photo stations at the GLAAD Awards after-parties in all 3 cities, that I was only going to attend the awards in San Francisco to make sure the photo station did not catch on fire.

Then I found out that Kyle Richards was going to make an appearance!

Not only that! But she was going to be auctioned off for a one-on-one!

Even though I have a usual scorn for reality TV, I’ve been obsessed with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since the first dinner party from hell. How can I not be bananas over the show? Just check out the chilly promo trailer below with all the ice queens in glam action.

And as it turns out, the new Queerty editor (and Ryan Murphy’s ex) Jeremy Kinser needs a gallivant SF reporter to cover the event and interview the celebrities on the red carpet.

I mean, what else was I going to be doing on a Saturday night?

Yes, I’m going to have to sit through the long ass dinner.

At least there’s an open bar…

But Denys is going to get all awkward and starstruck next to all those celebrities…

And in front of all them A-gays, I will have to act like an adult…

Get all dressed up for the occasion…

Mingle, mingle, kiss, kiss…

And it’s been such a long time since I’ve attended a social event of this magnitude. But I think…

Although it’s going to be hard to keep my cool.

Then I think: do I even have what it takes anymore?

Maybe I just shouldn’t drink…

Wait a minute! What’s with all this fucking complaining?! You know how many people would like to have the opportunity?

Just show up and do your goddamn job!

Remember, if you’re not at the table, then you’re probably on the menu. So take your seat!

Be yourself and everything will be fine.

Just think: What Would Kyle Richards Do?

GIFs: RealityTVGifs

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